Damaged. Part 2

Since then I have, metaphorically speaking, slithered upon my belly in the mud. Clawed my way up mountains and fallen back down into the smallest claustrophobic potholes. I have dwelt in a dark tower and am presently clinging to the sheerest mountain face you can imagine. Amongst the deep depression and anxiety there have been events that have caused me to surface. Lately I have found out that it’s true what they say that whatever affects you mentally affects you physically. 

Before “things” went wrong I used to think I was strong. I wasn’t, I was numb and in denial. I didn’t recognise it and I could not let out my feelings, being afraid of my feelings and what they might do. My “strength” was total pretence. I had I thought self-esteem that I had built myself, I thought I was a grown up. I couldn’t understand one of my colleagues who was either boasting or seeking reassurance. I do now. I wasn’t a grown up I was a child. I still am at aged 64. I didn’t know why I couldn’t be stronger …..

Another poem from my free poetry book In a Dark Tower

Love is not stultifying
Love is not stultifying,

it does not strangle,

or hold you tightly.

It gives you freedom

to be you.

It is not fearful,

imprisoning,

or tells you what

you must do.

It gives you wings

it holds your heart

gently,

warmly,

does not squeeze

you

’til you’re his.

Real love lets you live.

A Poem from In a Dark Tower

A poem from my second collection of poems In a Dark Tower  by Clare Collins currently free on Kindle for the next five days.
I open my eyes…

I open my eyes

To another day,

Jet planes invade my senses,

Trains displace air

And plough

Relentlessly through time.

Afterwards,

After the senses

Have been brutalised

A stillness like a thick

blanket

Is only broken by

Various bird calls.

And I listen

Straining to hear

The air burning,

Burnt by the Rays

Of the morning sun,

Anything.

Behind the closed curtains

Where the light comes

It could be oblivion.

The second collection of poems In a Dark Tower

Free on Kindle at Amazon from Friday 13th November for five days. You can get the kindle app if you don’t have a kindle. This is a collection about being in the dark tower of depression, but there are chinks of light that sometimes stream in….